One of the most daunting aspects of life is — at least to little ol’ control freak me– is the future. How unfathomable it is, how unpredictable, how… even with the utmost certainty you can possess, with perfect execution, can still result in unimaginable circumstances.
It terrifies me.
Not the simple things like, what I’d like to eat, but as I am in my final year as an undergraduate, I am left to ponder what I’d like to do with my BS. (Fun picture because I’m immature and still giggle at the idea of getting a “BS” diploma).
A majority of my friends graduated within the four years, and watching them go about their post graduate life has definitely been an interesting experience. It makes me slightly more appreciative of my 5th year, as I am far from prepared to set off into the world with where I am at.
(HIGHKEY NOT READY FOR THE REAL WORLD BUT TIME IS RUNNING OUT.)
One of my friends has this motto, or rather, this is how he’s come about pursuing his dreams. “How do you want your life to feel, in 10 years, 20 years. How will it look?” And of course, I met him at a point in his life after he had spent many nights contemplating this reality; he was able to paint a picture for me. I on the other hand, was still just — and still am — trying to put together the remnants of the destruction my underclassman self left behind.
It’s a question I haven’t actually consciously considered. But as I’ve gone about my days this past summer interning at two different institutions, I began to pick up on some ideas that I would actually enjoy. Ideas I’d want to pursue.
Did that make the stress and terror better?
No. Not at all.
It’s silly; there’s a reason why we say “we’ll cross the bridge when we get to it.” And here I am, scouring the subreddits for information about retirement, buying houses, investing. I have a page in my bullet journal where I’m jotting down different percentages recommended for down payments, full retirement plans broken down to years, etc. I have another page in my Google Drive dedicated to working out different spending / budgeting habits and trends I’d like to maintain in order to meet these investments.
Truthfully, those things come easy. It doesn’t scare me, rather, it’s interesting. It’s like being given a map and told where to go. The only thing you have to do is figure out how you’ll get there.
That’s what leaves me unsettled, makes me nervous.
But all I can do now is set myself up as best I can for success, leave as many doors open, and just keep pushing along.